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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Oh so true!

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Have you ever gone out all night with the intention to party with friends and get balls to walls madness shit-faced drunk? Or white boy wasted, as the song says on MTV?

I have, and let me tell you it’s not always a fun thing the next morning, now I know what you are thing “oh Moussie, did you have a coyote ugly moment”, well the answer is NO!!! I didn’t. Though waking up the next morning I wish that I did. The night was a constant blur of club after club, and slags were everywhere, on the floor, on the wall, on my crotch. Major slagfest. Sounds good right? WRONG!!!

I met this one guy and he was of a hulking manner, I thought nothing of it and went home with him. At this point I’m having milkd black outs and I vaguely remember him putting on what appeared to be a red track suit and a cottony beard. Then I blacked out. When I came to I had a brown costume on and hooves. Then I blacked out again, and then I distinctly remember hearing him say “Santa’s gonna take you to his north pole, anyways cut to me the next morning handcuffed to a radiator with a sore ass, and a nasty flavor in my mouth, makes me think of GaGa when she sings “I want your whiskey mouth, all over my blond south”.

The one thing that surprises me most is I remember him smacking my ass and yelling “STUPID DEER, DEER DON’T TALK!!!” Ever since then I’ve always had a nervous twitch whenever I see the Macy’s store Santa

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No…not that rotting old thing floating around the ocean (we think), but the ass belonging to that horrid statue, the one we all saw our soldiers pull down.

Well actually, we lie..only HALF of his ass is for sale.

The strange souvenir was taken during the U.S.-led raid on Baghdad’s al-Fardous Square in April 2003.

Now, the odd prize will be auctioned Oct. 27 at Hansons Auctioneers in Derby, England.

Nigel Ely, an ex-Special Air Service soldier working with a TV crew in Baghdad at the time, told BBC News he used a crowbar and sledgehammer to remove the buttock from the Iraqi dictator’s giant statue.

Ely paid 385 pounds (roughly $616 CDN) in excess cargo fees to fly the odd memento back to the U.K.

“I only wanted a piece big enough to put in my pocket, but I ended up with a chunk about 2 feet square,” he said. “I thought, ‘What the hell am I going to do with this?’

“I threw it in the back of my truck and forgot about it until we tried to re-enter Kuwait, where the Kuwaiti army arrested us and searched us for plunder. The journalists with me had all their souvenirs confiscated, but when I said the buttock was vehicle armour to protect us from bullets and bombs they left it alone.”

The proceeds from the sale will go to a charity benefitting injured British and American veterans.

Auctioneer Charles Hanson told the Agence France-Presse he expects the buttock to be sold for at least $15,000 U.S. ($15,250 CDN).

“It should appeal to military and art collectors alike, not to mention anyone who has an interest in the major events that have helped shape the world we live in,” he said.

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So my home country of the UK may have the best New Years celebrations in the world, but I sometimes thing we have the most craziest fuckers in the world too!

The 22-year-old is believed to have carried out the horrifying DIY castration in a bid to change sex.

He waited nearly 24 hours before staggering into hospital. On arriving at accident and emergency, he told stunned staff he had felt “a lot less pain” than he had expected.

He left after being treated with swabs and stitches – and was advised to seek psychiatric help.

A spokesman for Derbyshire’s Chesterfield Royal Hospital NHS Trust said last night: “A man in his early twenties presented himself at the hospital minus his testicles, which he had removed the previous day.

“He was treated, then discharged from A&E. We can say no more because of patient confidentiality – but this is pretty unusual.”

It is believed the man, who has not been named, was suffering from “gender confusion issues” and may have been attempting a home sex change before hurling his unwanted privates into Queens Park, Chesterfield.

One local said: “It makes your eyes water just thinking about it.

“A few people have stopped walking their dogs in the park for fear of what they’ll dig up.”

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And she’s back!!

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And you thought your granny was innocent? Think again!

A Massachusetts jury has charged a woman of 98 with suffocating her 100-year-old nursing home roommate after complaining of too many visitors.

Elizabeth Barrow celebrated her 100th birthday at her son's home in August

Police in Dartmouth initially believed Elizabeth Barrow had committed suicide but eventually recommended a murder charge against Laura Lundquist.

A judge ordered Ms Lundquist to be placed in a local hospital to assess her fitness to stand trial.

The women had been sharing a room for about a year when the death occurred.

Mrs Barrow was found with a plastic bag tied around her head in her bed at the Brandon Woods nursing home on 24 September.

“We’re devastated,” her son Scott Barrow told Boston’s WCVB-TV .

“I mean, my mother was well-loved. She loved everyone at the nursing home. She had a daily routine where she would go up and down the hallway and hug people who weren’t as fortunate as she.”

Husband’s room

Mr Barrow said that Ms Lundquist had complained to nursing home officials about the number of visitors his mother received, and had made “threatening” and “harassing” remarks to her.

He had asked for the women to be separated, he added, but had been assured the two were getting along.

His mother, he was quoted by The Associated Press as saying, had told him she did not want to leave her room because that was where she and her husband of 65 years had lived for several years before he died in 2007.

Mr Barrow told WCVB-TV his mother had been alert, active and still going strong before her death.

“The day before this happened we took her out for lunch at her favourite place and then we went shopping for winter clothes and so forth and she was looking forward to, you know, continuing her life,” he said.

A Superior Court judge ordered Ms Lundquist to be sent to Taunton State Hospital for an evaluation.

Her defence lawyer, Carl Levin, said she had a “long-standing diagnosis of dementia as well as issues of cognitive impairment”.

“Her family is very saddened for the loss of Ms Barrow and they are also very saddened by what’s happened,” he added.

“Without acknowledging her responsibility, it’s a sad event for both families. It just really points to the issue of mental health with the elderly.”

Were Ms Lundquist to appear in court, she would be one of the oldest people, if not the oldest, ever to face a murder charge in the US, the BBC’s Kevin Connolly reports from Washington.

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