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Archive for July, 2009

ARE BACK!

And all we can say is thankgod! There is so much depressing shit on TV these days that these housewives are a relief.

I blame Netflix for myself and my boyfriends new addiction, had they delivered our dvds of Melrose Place (do not judge!) then we would never of got into TRHOA. It all began with me being in the kitchen, making dinner, and the words I heard coming from the TV were ” I WILL FUCK HER UP!”  I was in love!

Some of the wives are not ghetto though, they know how to hold a knive and fork correctly, and do not drink Bud Light from the can, and can tell the difference between a fake Prada bag and one you picked up from that mexican on the corner.

My fave housewive so far is Nene, she’s one of those people that says shit how it really is, she gets straight to the point, and does not hold back, I can imagine me and her getting drunk one night and seriously ripping bitches like Sarah Palin into peices!

Kim…the white one, is well…I really don’t know, like many of the women (except Nene), I go through phases of liking them one minute and seriously wishing they would put their hand down a waste disposal unit the next.

There is even a NEW housewive, grammy award winning Kandi Burrus, who wrote No Scrubs for TLC!

One thing is for sure, my fate is sealed, I am now completely addicted to this show.

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You know how clever – and attractive to the eye – religious people are. They can come up with answers for everything. Millions of years of evolution? God done it. Earthquake killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people? God done it. Homosexuality? Devil done it, rip it out of his throat. See! Clever!

Well, just as India seems to be getting with the programme and decriminalizing something two gentlemen do in the privacy of their own beds, forward steps a religious to say that actually, no need. Yoga can get the gay out of them.

According to sexy boots here, the Swami Baba Ramdev to you, ‘It can be treated like any other congenital defect.’ Oh, yes! ‘Such tendencies can be treated by yoga, breathing exercises and other meditational techniques.’

And once you’ve breathed your homosexuality away, settled down with a nice girl and had some kids, why not meditate AIDS away? You can, you know! And cancer. Handy that yoga. Might get some.

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In the UK…but can you imagine if this shit went down in the US?! Church leaders would go nuclear!

I am of course going to keep monitoring them, in the hope that they also become the first gay couple to FUCK in the BB house!

There has been plenty of romance over the ten years of Big Brother.

But Charlie Drummond and Rodrigo Lopez broke new barriers when they shared a kiss under the bedsheets.

After weeks of practical jokes, rowing and making up, the two openly homosexual housemates gained the distinction of being the show’s first gay couple when they passionately embraced.

First gay couple: Charlie and Rodrigo embrace under the bed covers on Big BrotherFirst gay couple: Charlie and Rodrigo embrace under the bed covers on Big Brother

In the double bed they were sharing, Rodrigo leant into Charlie before they embraced for a few minutes yesterday morning. (awwwwww!)

The night before the two had shared a bubble bath, where Charlie shaved Brazilian Rodrigo’s legs (shaving his legs…I can think of better things to do with those legs..like demand he rests them on my shoulders!)

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There are lonely hearts. Then there are very lonely hearts. And then there is this tragedy.

GSOH

Now, don’t get us wrong. We’re not quick to judge and we have been known to trudge very long distances for a whiff of cock. In flip-flops. In the rain. But even we draw the line at someone who… let’s just say ‘went to the bathroom’ on our faces while we were sleeping. Before a formal introduction! EVEN we have ideas of etiquette superior to this guy, who posted a lonely hearts ad on his local University hook-up board.

But some questions remain unanswered:

a). How did Shannon know who was the dumper?

B). Why did Shannon not intervene when dumper was dumping on her friend’s face?

III). Why would Shannon then show a picture to the dumpee? To prove that the dumper was actually really hot?

Quatre). Would you want to have a coffee with someone who goes to parties and has a poo on sleeping person/persons’ head/s? And probably doesn’t wash their hands afterwards?!

5). Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

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So, Prince Pierre Casiraghi of Monaco? Know him? Why would you. Shallow end of the European pool of royalty, that’s why not. Though in light of these here picturegraphs, we may have to re-evaluate our royalty snobbery. For Prince Pierre Casiraghi off-of Monaco not only appears to have a penis, but a considerable one at that.

Here he is changing out of his latex play thing in St Tropez, giving us a ‘how’s your father (he’s quite chunky, thanks)’ in the process…

NB. For those looking for a bit of background, Prince Pierre Casiraghi off-of Monaco is the son of Princess Caroline, who is in turn the daughter of Grace Kelly (Harlow, Jean, picture of a movie queen) off-of the movies. Otherwise known as Mickey Mouse Royalty.

Is it just me or in pic #7…he looks a lil excited?

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A Conway woman who had video surveillance of a man having sexual intercourse with one of her horses said she found the suspect behind her barn Monday night and pointed a shotgun at his head until police arrived and arrested him. Rodell Vereen, 50, of Longs, is charged with buggery and trespassing after Barbara Kenley, who leases Lazy B Stables on Coates Road in the Wampee section of Horry County, told officers she had video of the suspect having sex with a horse then wanted to catch him at her barn. “That stable was my getaway, my stress relief,” said Kenley, who has leased the stable for 20 years. “Everybody has a place they like to go to get away. Now it is totally destroyed. It is the only thing I have in life.”

A family member said Wednesday that Vereen was diagnosed with a “mental disease” more than 10 years ago.

“He’s supposed to be on medication but I don’t believe he’s been taking it,” said Beulah Vereen, also a neighbor. “He’s not a violent man, I know.”

Horse sexually assaulted        It is the second time Rodell Vereen, who works for a landscaping company, has been charged with having sex with a horse at Lazy B Stables. Vereen pleaded guilty to buggery on July 21, 2008, and was sentenced to three years’ probation, ordered to undergo mental health counseling, and told not to go near Lazy B Stables after he was caught having sex with a horse on Thanksgiving Day of 2007, according to the 15th Judicial Circuit.

Vereen has also been registered as a sex offender since pleading to the buggery charge last year, according to the State Law Enforcement Division.

“I have a false sense of security right now,” Kenley said. “When they arrested him before, I thought that was the end of it. Now all of my insecurities are back. I can’t go out there at certain times because I am afraid.”

Vereen will have a probation hearing at 9 a.m. Monday at J. Reuben Long Detention Center in Conway, according to Richard Laskill, a senior agent for the S.C. Department of Probation, Parole and Pardon Services.

A judge probably will determine whether Vereen will serve the remainder of his three-year suspended sentence for the 2007 buggery charge.

“Hopefully he won’t get out,” Kenley said. “My goal is to get him away from me and my property.”

Kenley, who lives four miles away from the stable, said she can’t afford a security system for the stables. She said she spent several hundred dollars on the video surveillance system that was used to help identify Vereen.

“In 20 years I’ve never had a problem like this,” Kenley said. “I never knew people did such a thing.”

Kenley said Vereen was having sex with a 21-year-old horse named Sugar. Kenley said the horse is being treated for infections related to the incidents.

Kenley told officers she had video of Vereen “having relations” with one of her horses on July 19, according to a police report. “I had given police surveillance video before and they weren’t able to identify him,” Kenley said. “And I wanted to catch him firsthand. It was just a matter of time before I caught him.”

On Monday night, Kenley said she went to check on the horses and saw an unknown vehicle parked near her property.

Kenley found Vereen behind a barn where the horses are kept and pointed a shotgun at him. Kenley called police on her cell phone and waited for officers to arrive.

“He was very subdued,” Kenley said. “He was like … cold. He may have been in shock.”

Kenley said she asked Vereen what he was doing at the barn and that he said he was looking for a bathroom.

“I told him he was full of crap,” Kenley said. “He apologized and said he didn’t mean to hurt me.”

Vereen admitted to officers that he did have “relations” with a horse on July 19, the report shows. Officers reported that they viewed a video showing the suspect having intercourse with a horse.

Bail was set at $10,000 for Vereen, who is being held at J. Reuben Long Detention Center.

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Do you ever find yourself wondering “what the fuck happened to  to my life and how did it get so bad?”  Well if you are sitting in front of your computer right now and have no clue what to do or where to go with your life then look no further cause this just might impact who you are and what you do, and in the end get you on the enriched path of success.  My advice for you is simple, DON’T GET A SELF-HELP BOOK  cause all they do is mind fuck you and get you to become the annoying the friend that everyone in your circle talks about when they see that annoying person coming their way.  You may say “I don’t fucking do that, I am a kindly saint that loves everyone”.  May I just say BULLSHIT, and in the immortal words of Dane Cook “then your that friend”.  So to recap what you just read, NO SELF-HELP BOOKS!  Seeing your self actualization will only rip you to shreds and make you hate yourself even more.

One thing you must never do is ask your friends that you rarely see cause they are only your work friends unless you have no friends aside from your work relations- which in turn makes you the saddest human being on Earth.  Ask those you confide in cause a true friend will stick closer to you than your brother, (hence  the term BROMANCE).  But never go to a friend who you have classified as a drinking buddy or someone you would get high with, although both may loosen you up and make you feel like you have no regrets it’ll get you nowhere except lesser cash in your wallet or maybe even ass-raped by someone on the streets.  Thnk about it, I haven’t.

One thing you could to help yourself is to try and read the Bible, now I know what you are thinking “why would I read that?” cause the Bible has everything- war, sex, rape, death, funny thing is it also has a portion about masturbation but you have to read it closely to understand impending on which version you are reading.  But alas, the Bible will also bring you closer to God, now I don’t want to offend the non-religious ones who are reading this at the moment, so I ask… have I offended you?  Well then, suck it up, grow a pair, rub some dirt in it!  What are you?  A pussy-willow!?

You could also go out and experience life till you find your calling, dance in the moonlight at the bonfire on a beach, have random sex on a Euro-trip with hot men and sexy women, ride your bike without a helmet through on-coming traffic.  Shove ice cream into people’s faces.  Lick the Freedom Bell!  You can do anything you desire yourself to- well almost anything, we got to be real here, we were always told growing up that “you can be anything you want to be Billy”.  Billy is not my name, and as you can easily see Silvanemesis is a nom de plume.

Whatever you do do it well, do it better than those before you, if someone did something you want to take a whack at it try to outshine them in every single way- well just as long as that person you are trying to outshine isn’t a rapist or serial killer.  I don’t want someone to ass-rape me cause I will dial 9-11 and the Operator says “9-11, what is your emergency?” and my response is me screaming “I am being raped up the ass and it hurts, I’m bleeding!!!”  Cause let’s be serious, they will then tell me the ever so popular line and you know it, the “please hold” cause someone jay-walking is so much more important then my anal virginity.

So what did we learn there in the above paragraph, NOT TO OUTSHINE RAPISTS AND SERIAL KILLERS.  I guess what I am saying here is this, your life is a nothing more than a grain of sand on the shore amidst the pebbles that the waves wash over.  The other grains of sand look to the pebbles saying “Wow, I wish I was one of them, they stick out”.  Be like the pebble and dream big.  If that has still confused you after the “Apple Brown Betty” that was just rubbed up in your face and you yelped out “Eww stinky!”  Then maybe this next stick will get you going.  A ship is magnificient creation by man, it defies the odds, it cuts through the waters at seemingly breakneck speeds, they are rarely viewed as marvelous beauties when they are docked at harbor or lying at anchor, ships are only really majestic at the moments  when they are free, riding the waves with the wind at it’s side.  Be like a ship and don’t care what others think about you or that you haven’t found out your life’s calling.  There might have been some things along the way till now that others might look and say “How the fuck did that person do that?”   Truth is we never really in full detail how good we did it until it was done and people stare in full awe of you.  Be like the words Baz Luhrman wrote in his mind-blowing song that many graduating seniors hear before walking the stage.  So I guess what I am saying is this: get up already and do something, don’t be a whiny bitch cause you only aggravate those around you, do something that doesn’t revolve around you seeing how many new friends you have on your myspace, or downloading porn, put the Will Smith movie on pause cause if you are watching the being of “Seven Pounds” and have no clue upon what is yet to come then your an idiot who can’t see it is so obvious and he intends on offing himself with his pet.  Yes I just took a crack at Will Smith, I mean how many times can he go saving someone’s life in oneof his movies?  And yet it doesn’t stop him, and neither should it to you.  This has been my first blog on here so I hope you liked it.  Seriously, are you still reading at this point?  While maybe I should start talking about that one time that I woke up in Chicago hand-cuffed to a radiator with my pants down at my ankles and a sore ass…

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