Do you ever find yourself wondering ”what the fuck happened to to my life and how did it get so bad?” Well if you are sitting in front of your computer right now and have no clue what to do or where to go with your life then look no further cause this just might impact who you are and what you do, and in the end get you on the enriched path of success. My advice for you is simple, DON’T GET A SELF-HELP BOOK cause all they do is mind fuck you and get you to become the annoying the friend that everyone in your circle talks about when they see that annoying person coming their way. You may say “I don’t fucking do that, I am a kindly saint that loves everyone”. May I just say BULLSHIT, and in the immortal words of Dane Cook “then your that friend”. So to recap what you just read, NO SELF-HELP BOOKS! Seeing your self actualization will only rip you to shreds and make you hate yourself even more.
One thing you must never do is ask your friends that you rarely see cause they are only your work friends unless you have no friends aside from your work relations- which in turn makes you the saddest human being on Earth. Ask those you confide in cause a true friend will stick closer to you than your brother, (hence the term BROMANCE). But never go to a friend who you have classified as a drinking buddy or someone you would get high with, although both may loosen you up and make you feel like you have no regrets it’ll get you nowhere except lesser cash in your wallet or maybe even ass-raped by someone on the streets. Thnk about it, I haven’t.
One thing you could to help yourself is to try and read the Bible, now I know what you are thinking “why would I read that?” cause the Bible has everything- war, sex, rape, death, funny thing is it also has a portion about masturbation but you have to read it closely to understand impending on which version you are reading. But alas, the Bible will also bring you closer to God, now I don’t want to offend the non-religious ones who are reading this at the moment, so I ask… have I offended you? Well then, suck it up, grow a pair, rub some dirt in it! What are you? A pussy-willow!?
You could also go out and experience life till you find your calling, dance in the moonlight at the bonfire on a beach, have random sex on a Euro-trip with hot men and sexy women, ride your bike without a helmet through on-coming traffic. Shove ice cream into people’s faces. Lick the Freedom Bell! You can do anything you desire yourself to- well almost anything, we got to be real here, we were always told growing up that “you can be anything you want to be Billy”. Billy is not my name, and as you can easily see Silvanemesis is a nom de plume.
Whatever you do do it well, do it better than those before you, if someone did something you want to take a whack at it try to outshine them in every single way- well just as long as that person you are trying to outshine isn’t a rapist or serial killer. I don’t want someone to ass-rape me cause I will dial 9-11 and the Operator says “9-11, what is your emergency?” and my response is me screaming “I am being raped up the ass and it hurts, I’m bleeding!!!” Cause let’s be serious, they will then tell me the ever so popular line and you know it, the “please hold” cause someone jay-walking is so much more important then my anal virginity.
So what did we learn there in the above paragraph, NOT TO OUTSHINE RAPISTS AND SERIAL KILLERS. I guess what I am saying here is this, your life is a nothing more than a grain of sand on the shore amidst the pebbles that the waves wash over. The other grains of sand look to the pebbles saying “Wow, I wish I was one of them, they stick out”. Be like the pebble and dream big. If that has still confused you after the “Apple Brown Betty” that was just rubbed up in your face and you yelped out “Eww stinky!” Then maybe this next stick will get you going. A ship is magnificient creation by man, it defies the odds, it cuts through the waters at seemingly breakneck speeds, they are rarely viewed as marvelous beauties when they are docked at harbor or lying at anchor, ships are only really majestic at the moments when they are free, riding the waves with the wind at it’s side. Be like a ship and don’t care what others think about you or that you haven’t found out your life’s calling. There might have been some things along the way till now that others might look and say “How the fuck did that person do that?” Truth is we never really in full detail how good we did it until it was done and people stare in full awe of you. Be like the words Baz Luhrman wrote in his mind-blowing song that many graduating seniors hear before walking the stage. So I guess what I am saying is this: get up already and do something, don’t be a whiny bitch cause you only aggravate those around you, do something that doesn’t revolve around you seeing how many new friends you have on your myspace, or downloading porn, put the Will Smith movie on pause cause if you are watching the being of “Seven Pounds” and have no clue upon what is yet to come then your an idiot who can’t see it is so obvious and he intends on offing himself with his pet. Yes I just took a crack at Will Smith, I mean how many times can he go saving someone’s life in oneof his movies? And yet it doesn’t stop him, and neither should it to you. This has been my first blog on here so I hope you liked it. Seriously, are you still reading at this point? While maybe I should start talking about that one time that I woke up in Chicago hand-cuffed to a radiator with my pants down at my ankles and a sore ass…